aren't we supposed to?

something that has been weighing on my mind these days is a bit hard to explain.  since mom has been sick - ok, REALLY sick -  this year, we have been taking care of her.

i've heard on many occasions  -- "you're such a great daughter"or they say to my mom "you raised such good daughters". i'm not upset with the phrases, by any means.  it's nice to be acknowledged.  but what it makes me wonder is -- "aren't we supposed to?"

aren't we supposed to take care of our parents? 
aren't we supposed to take care of our family?
aren't we supposed to take care of the stranger?

i guess it comes natural to me --and maybe those who tell my mom that she raised us right have a point.  there are those who don't take care of others -- or even their own parents or family.  i had a casual conversation with the hospice social worker.  she told me that our family is one of the "good" ones.  she has seen many families who fight and argue about care for their loved one.  families who's adult children come to the house as a house guest and want to be "served".  families who ship the loved ones off so as to not have to deal with them.  i guess you'll never know what you'll do until you need to do it.  but to some of those people i ask "aren't we supposed to take care of our own?".

i guess it must be in my genes.  one of the things my mother tells me as i'm helping her to get dressed is " i was hoping you wouldn't have to do this".  my mom's mother was very sick, and my mom took care of her, much like we are taking care of her.  she told me she always hoped her daughters wouldn't have to take care of her like she had to take care of her mom. 

so -- it does come natural.  it is in my genes.  and i'm so very thankful that i have those genes!

change is good. right?

today was the last annual meeting of the Wyoming Conference United Methodist Women.  a bitter sweet day for me -- and for many.  i'll save that reflection for another time.

my conference "job" (at least until the end of the year) is Spiritual Growth.  i provided opening worship this morning for our final meeting.

below is a copy of the devotions i prepared.  quite fitting for today.  i share them with you - in hopes that they inspire you .

Scripture:

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)



Reflection :


This morning’s scripture tells us that we will not be separated from the love of God, and because of that we can not be separated from each other. I ran across this and felt it spoke to us as United Methodist Women, and was important to us today.

What We Can Learn From Geese  


1. As each goose flaps its wings, it creates an uplift for others behind it. There is 71% more flying range in V-formation than in flying alone. Lesson: People who share a common direction and sense of purpose can get there more quickly.


2. Whenever a goose flies out of formation, it feels drag and tries to get back into position. Lesson: It’s harder to do something alone than when we all work together.


3. When the lead goose gets tired, it rotates back into formation and another goose flies at the head. Lesson: Shared leadership and interdependence give us each a chance to lead as well as an opportunity to rest.
4. The geese flying in the rear of the flock honk to encourage those up front to keep up their speed. Lesson: Encouragement is motivating. We need to make sure that all our honking is encouraging and not discouraging.


5. When a goose gets sick or wounded and falls back, another goose falls out and stays with it until it revives or dies. Then they will catch up or join another flock. Lesson: We may all need help from time to time. We should stand by our friends in difficult times.


If a goose gets separated from its flock it can join another flock. The new flock accepts the new member and makes room for him – no questions asked.


It seems to me that we can learn a lot from these geese. We are gathered here today as members of a flock. By the time our day is over our flock will be separated and we will each join a new flock – where they will make room for us, and accept us. We may choose to be the goose in the back that honks and encourages, or we may choose to be one of the geese that rotates in and out of leadership. No matter what role we choose, one thing will not change – we are United Methodist Women, and we will always be connected.


Would you please join me in singing hymn #593 – Here I Am Lord? We are each a member of a special flock, and God is calling all of us to be His hands and feet.


(After hymn)


I’d like to close with some lyrics to a song. You will have the chance to hear the song a bit later, and I encourage you to listen closely to the words. The song is from the musical “Wicked” and it is called “For Good”. Many of you know my husband Paul – his all-time favorite movie is The Wizard of Oz, and Wicked is one of his favorite musicals – I had been trying to find a song that would fit as background music for a slide show for this year’s School of Mission. He offered the song, but I had not heard it before. He played it for me and I fell in love with it. Those of you who were at school this year may remember it. It will accompany the slide show we will see later too.


The words are quite fitting for today – I’d like to leave you with a small part of them:


I'VE HEARD IT SAID THAT PEOPLE COME INTO OUR LIVES FOR A REASON


BRINGING SOMETHING WE MUST LEARN


WE ARE LED TO THOSE WHO HELP US MOST TO GROW IF WE LET THEM


AND WE HELP THEM IN RETURN


WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF I BELIEVE THAT'S TRUE


BUT I KNOW I'M WHO I AM TODAY


BECAUSE I KNEW YOU...


I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR GOOD …


IT WELL MAY BE THAT WE WILL NEVER MEET AGAIN IN THIS LIFETIME


SO LET ME SAY BEFORE WE PART SO MUCH OF ME IS MADE OF WHAT I LEARNED FROM YOU


YOU'LL BE WITH ME LIKE A HANDPRINT ON MY HEART


AND NOW WHATEVER WAY OUR STORIES END I KNOW YOU HAVE RE-WRITTEN MINE BY BEING MY FRIEND...


WHO CAN SAY IF I'VE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER?


BUT BECAUSE I KNEW YOU...


I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR GOOD …






Thank you to you the members of the Wyoming Conference, because of you I have been changed for good.



crumbling -

i ran across this quote today:

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”

is it?  i'm sure this quote is written sarcastically - but maybe not.

then, i came across this picture. i like it.  "why?", you ask, "it's a crumbling old building that has seen better days."

well -- for a few reasons.  although it's crumbling and falling down it's foundation still looks strong.  sure, it's seen better days, but it's not all in a big heap. 

does the quote speak to the picture?  people are expecting it to crumble, and probably wouldn't be surprised if it did.  but -- maybe this is some one's home - it looks like an electric box in the corner.  what if this is all they have?  they are thankful for the strength of the foundation.

what does the quote say about human nature?  here it is again -- “Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”  

is it a sign of strength to hold it all together when everything tells you to fall apart? or is it a sign of weakness? i guess the answer is different for everyone -- and each situation is different.

what does the quote mean for you?

unexpected --

it was a rainy dreary day today, so i decided to check out a movie.  i decided on The Answer Man from Netflix - instant.  the summary sounded interesting to me.  but it was a very good, unexpected, and thought provoking movie.

i won't go into the details -- i urge you to check it out - the link above will lead you to the summary, one part of the movie - the main plot, involved a man, a writer.  for 20 years the "world" was looking for him for answers.  he had written a book about questions God had answered for him, and people believed he was some sort of guru or that God spoke through or to him somehow.  he basically hid and concealed his identity for those 20 years.

the whole movie was though provoking to me -- and i may watch it again in a day or two, but there is a quote that stuck out to me.

the author - Arlen is speaking to a woman (Elizabeth), whom he has taken an interest in:

"You are here so God can experience the world through your eyes, see what you see, feel what you feel.  Everyday He can't wait to see what you'll do, what makes you laugh, what moves you.  Everyday through you He falls in love with the world all over again.  You are His muse."

wow.  thought provoking.  what a powerful message.  there are so many interesting messages in this movie -an indy film that i don't remember hearing about - but defiantly a movie to check out.  as i said, i don't want to get into it to much -- but after you've watched it, let me know.  i'd be interested in hearing your thoughts!

it's been awhile . . . life happens

it's been some time since i've written.  but life has certainly taken an interesting turn.  i ran across this image today, and thought it definitely rings true. we certainly never know when the tides are going to flow differently.

looking back at the last post - about joy, and the retreat i had the opportunity to lead - speaks to the quote.  about a week after the retreat - on easter sunday, my mom went into the hospital.

it was anything but smooth sailing -- there were many drowning and crashing wave moments.  mom was in the hospital for 2 months. during that time she was on ventilator - twice, and in and out of ICU twice, the cardiac floor, a regular room, and a skilled nursing facility, twice.  there were some very scary moments, and we prepared ourselves for the end.  we/ mom had decisions to make - very serious ones. but, by God's grace - and there really isn't any other explanation - she became strong enough to come home. 

my mom has scleroderma.  she has had the disease for 26 years.  up until this point there have been some waves that we were able to ride out pretty ok.  but this one threw us all for a loop.  she presented at the ER with symptoms of pneumonia.  as things progressed - and by about 12 hours later, she couldn't breathe, and went unresponsive - hence the first ventilator.  as time went on the doctor believed she had some type of virus that knocked her for a loop.  the scleroderma has created scar tissue in her lungs - and her lungs were not filtering the carbon dioxide.

long story short -- she is now home, and we are all adapting to doing things a little differently.  dad has had to take on some extra responsibilities, and my sister and i will go hang out for awhile if dad is going to be gone for the day.

life has a way of changing without notice.  the past few months have been scary, but i have also felt God's hand on me the whole time.  i believed in the power of prayer before this, but my eyes have been opened wider.  there is no other reason that my mom is still with us today.

they say that change is good.  i'm not sure where the good was in this change. but we've all become closer and more aware of the time we have together.  change is the law of life - and sometimes we can't do anything about it.

finding our joy --

i was recently given the opportunity to lead a women's retreat.  the topic was "finding our joy".  i put alot of time and work into the event.  this was the first big retreat i have done - there were 60 ladies present.  i did a small retreat on parables a few years ago for our local church women's group.  i  was so happy -- joyful, to see the women enjoying themselves, and actually looking deep within themselves - all the hard work was rewarded in thier kind words and thank yous.

i've learned many things about joy.  the flower that symbolizes joy is a bird of paradise.  the gerber daisy represents cheerfulness.  the colors rose, pink and golden yellow are the colors symbols of joy.


i've learned that you can't find joy without sorrow.  and your joy may not be someone elses joy.

over the course of the retreat the women taught me somethings about joy.  and as we journeyed through scripture, quiet reflection, group discussions tears and laughter, we began to figure out what we worry about, what we gripe about, and where our joy and graditude lies.

i also had some help - 4 ladies offered programs on thier joy -- music, mission trips, gardening, and volunteer work.  what wonderful witnesses to a joyful life in helping and serving others.


i truly feel blessed to have been given the opportunity.  humbled by the fact that the ladies walked away with a new understanding of thier joy.


i ask you -- what is your joy?

riding the rails --

i recently had the opportunity to take a train from philadelphia to atlanta.  anyone who knows me knows i don't fly.  the thought of it sends me into a panic.  i've been there done that -- and although the scenery is nice -- the anxiety isn't.


my sister needed help packing for a move back home.  my brother-in-law has left for germany, off to afghanistan soon.  thier decision was for her and my nephew to come home while he is gone.

sure -- it would have been quicker to fly.  but the train was much more exciting.  i had never been on a train ride for that long -- and frankly, i wasn't sure what to expect.


i knew i wouldn't be able to see to much - as most of the travel would take place at night (16 hours).  i boarded the train in philadelpia's station.  walking into the station a sense of anxiety flooded me for a second -- rows and rows of train "gates" - it was much bigger then i had imagined.  that being said - the huge board in front of me told me the train was on-time, and soon told me what track.


i boarded the train and found my way to my sleeper car.  hmmm.  that was interesting.  for one person, it was comfortable.  standing in the middle of it - which was about all i could do - my arms buckled at the elbows when i tried to stretch them from side to side.  there were 2 chairs facing each other - which later converted to a bed.  the car also had a toilet, and a sink made it more "cozy".


i plopped down in my seat and was ready for the adventure to begin.  we pulled out on time and rolled through the tracks of the city of brotherly love.  my adventure started off with feelings of uneasiness. as we rolled through tunnels and through the back alleys of the city - poverty, homelessness, and hopelessness were everywhere.  i'm not sure if i had some picturesque idea in my mind about the ride -- but i found that these pictures of people sleeping in boxes, graffiti with tags of R.I.P, and campsite waiting for thier souls to come back were more of a norm on my trip.  i was almost glad most of the trip would be in the dark.


don't get me wrong -- there were some beautiful, picturesque parts too.  we corssed a body of water  - not sure where or what, but i felt like we were skimming across it.  the bridge was low to the water, and not very wide.  in the distance the sun was setting and sparkled on the water.  this is what i had hoped for.

we rode trhough our nations capital  just as the lights were begining to come on.  the city was a glow and bustling.  i have been to DC many times and had the opportunity to see the monuments up close.  it was just as awe-inspiring to see them from the rails -- from my window i saw the the dome of the capital, the lights of the washington and jefferson monuments.  and the majesty of the airfore monument.  a beautiful site --


i made my way to the dining car and had dinner with two other ladies traveling alone.  we chatted about our lives - who we were, where we were going, and exchanged many pleasant words over dinner.


the train rocked me to sleep -- and woke me when we stopped at a station.  a peek out the window to check out the dark surroundings.  we pulled into atlanta about 10 minutes ahead of schedule, where my sister had a car service waiting for me.


we rode trough city and towns -- big, little.  the view from my window wasn't always beautiful, but life isn't all sunstes and lights.  there are hardships.  there are hard times.  but the sun always shines -- God willing -- on a new day.  it's our job to meet each new day with compassion for life, and compassion for our neighbors.  i remember the face of a man sleeping along the tracks.  i pray each day he gets the break he needs to be in a different place. 

time to catch up --

it has been some time since i've written.  lots to catch up on.  hmmm - where to start. . .

pets: joys and sorrows

i realized i have not written about charlie.

this is charlie -- a 7 1/2 month old cairin terrier.   he looks all-cute, but he is definately a terrier. into everything! 

but, before we talk about charlie, we should talk about my first "baby" - riley (2nd picture).

riley, also a cairin -- left us on july 20th, 2009.  he was 11.  he got sick very quickly, about 3 weeks prior.  he had a seizure one night - and it all went down hill from there.  we tried everything, did everything we could, but we sadly had to make the painful decission to say good-bye.  the vet believes it was a fast growing brain tumor.  i know it was one of the scariest things i've ever had to deal with.

growing up, my dad said no to pets.  dogs would get hit in the road, fish would just die, hamsters were just overgrown mice.  until one day my sister brought home a kitten who stayed, even after my sister went to college and got married.  i think i understand why my dad said no to our pleas for a puppy.  he probably knew just how hard it would be to say good-bye one day, and he was trying to protect us.  the cat - princess, developed cancer in her jaw a couple of years ago - my parents had to make the same hard decision to stop the suffering.  there are no more animals in the house -- dad won't admit it, but i think he's avoiding the pain.

mom and dad's house was like riley's second home -- riley knew when his bag was being packed he was going to grandma's and would race to the door and whine - ready to go.  on the day he left us, after we said our good-byes - he raced to the door, with more energy then we had seen in weeks.  i knew it was the right thing - he was tired, it was time.  riley rests in my mom and dad's backyard next to his arch-nemissis, princess.

it took me some time to be ready to have a new dog in my life.  paul was ready to get another dog right away - not for any lack of respect for riley.  i needed some time.  i began doing some searching on-line and found a breeder on oklahoma.  her dog had just had a litter of pupies - 2 male, 1 female.  ironically the puppies were born on july 10th - about the same time riley's "spirit" left him, and he was just a physical presence.  i fell in love with his tiny little picture - just a few weeks old.  i emailed the breeder and we both began the process of figuring out if the other person was reputable.  she was great, caring and patient.  she allowed us first choice, and we could wait to send the deposit until he grew to be sure he was the one we wanted.  she sent weekly pictures and updates until he flew out to meet us the end of september.

he was so tiny, and too cute.  he melted my heart.  it wasn't until a few weeks later that everything we had fogotten about raising a puppy slapped us in the face.  but, with some persistance, things are going well.

until tuesday.  silly dog. he must have gotten into something - whatever it was it upset his tummy.  so, off to the vets.  with some rest and a bland diet all is well - oh, the life of a puppy.

these furry little ones are really a part of the family.  they  worry and concern us like human kids do.  wouldn't trade any of it - the joys or the sorrows.

 

a love / hate relationship --

water.  it's a necessity for life - on so many levels.  it makes up a large portion of our body, we need it to "keep going".  it is esential for plant and animal growth.  it's used for recreation - swimming, boating, or running around the garden sprinkler on a hot summer day.

i love the ocean.  i'm not a swimmer; but i'll wade in.  the ocean/beach is very calming and soothing to me.  it clears my brain, i "hear" things more clearly there.  sadly, i live in the mountains - which i also love, but it's a far cry from the thunderous waves on the beach and the gulls flying overhead.  when i get the opportunity to go to the beach my soul feels at peace.  i love to sit on a quiet beach -- no one around, and let everything fall from my mind.  i also believe i hear God more clearly there, probably because with each sweeping of the waves against my feet my thoughts go out into the vastness of the ocean.   

if i can't get to the ocean - the quietness of a lake, the beauty of a waterfall, the babbling of a brooke will do too. 


i love water.


i hate winter.  the frozen form of water terrifies me from time to time.  there in lies the problem.  remember, i live in the mountains.  we have four seasons.  i love them -- i would not want to live somewhere that these did not happen.  i don't mind a snowstorm -- if i'm sitting at home, safe and warm and watching it snow and don't have to go out for a day or two.


this is exactly why i hate winter.  snow should only fall on grassy surfaces - not on the road i need to drive on, not on the sidewalk i need to walk on.  i've had my share of winter "accidents" on snow - on ice, all forms of water. each one leaving a scar on my psyche.  if there is the slightest dusting of snow on a road and i must travel, my heart pounds, my hands grip the wheel, and my knucles turn that vibrant shade of white -- i will immdiately put my truck in 4-wheel drive.


at least in snow i have some sort of "chance", i know how to drive on it - i don't like it, but i can if i need to.  now -- ice, that's another story.


a few days ago my family had a "rough" day.  it was a normal sunday, we all attended church.  on the way home from church - at practically the same time paul and i hit a patch of black ice, and my parents also hit a patch of black ice.


we are all fine.  our incident, though very scary was nothing compared to that of my parents.  my parents slid and skidded along the road and into a ditch - slamming into a bank, to a stop.  they are both fine -- some aches and pains, pulled muscles and bruises.  thier truck -- not so good.  there are many reasons to be thankful -- but mainly because no one was seriously injured.  my dad - the stubborn, prideful man that he is - said to a doctor today "i've never hit a patch of black ice before, and i can say i never want to do that again".   


i hate water.  in it's frozen form.


but, water is a necessity.  maybe these experiences are too.

letting go to move on

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

-- E.M. Forester

a few years ago my sister gave me this quote.  it helped her through a difficult period in her life.  it's a magnet on the fridge.  for the past couple of years i've seen it each time i reach into the fridge.  the lines are committed to memory.


it wasn't until the other day that i really looked at it, again, in a new light.  with my recent lay-off, dealing with unemployment benefits, and trying to make a decision about what to do with my life -- this quote really seems to hit home lately.


the difficulty is -- i've lost myself, so i don't even know what the plan is anymore.  it brings to mind another quote - "let go and let God".  how many times have i heard that one --


letting go of the past helps to embrace the future and the new experiences that lie ahead.  that is not to say that we forget the past, but we can't continue to live there.  it's time to put the "what-ifs" and doubts aside and embrace the life that is waiting for us.