free to live again . . .

ok, so i've been a bit cryptic lately - my facebook friends can attest to that - but it's been for what i believe is good reason.  isn't it strange how we share everything these days ---

anyway.  i want to share this.  there is something liberating about talking about it.  it had been my well kept secret for years, if not a decade.

all my life i have had bad "teeth and gums".  i had horrible dental visits, always resulting in pain and lots of bleeding - and the dentists we went to certainly didn't care.  so -- that gave me an excuse to avoid the dentist. 

i say that it was my secret, but i'm sure any of you who know me have noticed how awful my front teeth especially have been.  years of gum disease did my teeth in - broken, crooked, loose - it was awful.

it was paralyzing.  everything i did i stopped to think about my teeth - what i ate, how i ate, where i ate.  i haven't been able to use lipstick or lip gloss in years because i couldn't rub my lips together.  i hated how i looked - avoided the camera, or public speaking as much as i could (not easy being a teacher for about 7 years).  i got stares from store clerks and other strangers - paralyzing!  and i never spoke about it -- with anyone!

we were at my sister's house to celebrate her birthday.  we were enjoying a wonderful birthday cake paul made when i bit a chocolate chip wrong -breaking another tooth.  that was it.  i had had enough.  how long could this keep going.  it wasn't going to get any better -- all because of fear.

so -- i jumped online, did some research, and made an appointment.  i refused to let myself re-schedule it!  and i went.  they started with x-rays, which were uncomfortable enough for me.  i sat in "the chair" waiting for the dentist to come in -- hoping they wouldn't want to poke and prod my mouth - and hoping i didn't get "the speech" about not taking care of myself.  she didn't on both accounts.

the dentist walked in -- a woman about my age, she said "hello, you do know you're looking at getting dentures, right?  by the way my name is dr. k."  i was relieved!  i knew they were bad - i had even told people they will probably want to rip them out (once i started talking about it this week) - and they assured me it couldn't be that bad.  i was hoping for this news -- instead of countless root cannels, extractions and implants, etc.

she warned me that some of them were so loose they may come out when she took the impressions.  sigh -- fear coursed through my veins as she started the procedure.  all still intact - she called me very lucky.  i had an advanced stage of gum disease, i may even need to have some posts put in my bottom jaw because my jaw bone has deteriorated - told you it was awful!

so -- yesterday was the big day.  what a way to spend a saturday!  she spent lots of time numbing me up with novocaine - and got ready to yank -- almost literally 25 teeth from my head.  wow.  glad i don't have to do that again!  holy cow!  some teeth were so loose i bearly felt a tug - others, mostly molars were in  alittle tighter and i ienvisioned her bracing her feet against the chair for a better grip.  and the sound in my head -- spin tingling!

so -- now the healing process begins - i already have temporary plates put in - and go back tomorrow for a post-op visit.  but, all in all things are going well.  i don't have much pain -- keep in mind i've had some sort of discomfort or pain in my mouth for years.  the swelling is going down and i'm on the road to looking normal.  what what a remarkable difference.  i have some before pictures i'll post -- and once the swelling is gone i'll post an after shot.

there were posters all around the office saying -- "let us help you get your smile back."  they did more then that -- i've gotten my life back.