hate to admit it . . .

. . .but i'm starting to get used to the dentist chair.  i no longer get that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach about a mile or so before the office or the heart palpitations as i'm sitting in "the chair" waiting.

i do have to admit though -- today i was a little nervous.  the dental facility i've been going to is a "chain" sort of thing "aspen dental", and sometimes if they don't have an open appointment and you need an adjustment they have you just walk -in.  i've done that a couple of times.  the problem with this is you get whichever dentist has time to see you .  well, it just so happens that i've gotten "the other guy" the times i went.  i don't like him.  he is always in a hurry, and doesn't listen to what you need, and doesn't help the situation.  just a few days ago i 'walked-in' with 3 sore spots.  and i left with 2.  i guess it's good i had one less, but still.  he argued with me when i told him it still hurt - telling me to give it some time and it will clear up.  sigh.  it didn't.  it got even worse.  the sore spot turned painful - within 24-hours.  so.  i went back today - with an appointment, and an uneasy feeling -- what if my dentist wasn't there and he walked in, what if she was really busy and he was helping out (this happened once before).  i had made up my mind i didn't care how long i had to wait i was going to see the woman i started out with.

she walked in the room - "how are you today?"  "much better seeing you" i tell her.  i briefly explained my difficulty just a few days ago with the other guy -- and where the problems still were.  she smiled and laughed a bit and set to work.  in a matter of minutes the problems were gone - did i mention i love her! we had a good laugh over one of the "arguments" i had with him -- i knew i was right, but she confirmed it - and rolled her eyes over the guys un-professionalism.  i asked her how i could be sure that i didn't have to see anyone but her.  she told me not to worry, he wouldn't be back.  he was "on loan" from another office, and they had some complaints. 

a sense of relief rushed over me.  i had worked so hard to not be anxious about dental visits, and this man was starting to get things creeping back in to my psyche.

God still loves me -- hehe, and all is right with the world again.

things are progressing nicely.  eating and talking are all improving.  and i'm not so swollen.  i'll have to take some new pictures.  tomorrow marks 3 weeks!  feeling and looking better everyday!

the good. . .the bad. . .and the ugly

so, we are about a week and a half post-op, and i'm finally starting to feel more "normal" - still a little puffy in places, still sounding a little like daffy duck, but all in all doing well.  the doctors all say i'm doing really well, and healing nicely.

so -- time to take some pictures! ;)

first - where i came from - so we understand where i'm going.  just a warning, they're bad - not for the faint of heart.  these pictures were taken a day or 2 before surgery - they're not pretty.

told you -- not pretty.  what a differnece a few weeks make.  keep in mind - i avoided the camera, avoid talking about "it", avoided anything having to do with my teeth.  so there is is -- out there for all to see.  i know many of you who know me have seen it -- i get that, but i still think i did a decent job hiding just how bad it was.

so -- here is how things look now - a week and a half after - what a difference.

still some healing to do, and some adjustments, but if this is as good as it gets - i don't regret any of it.  surprisingly i have not been in much pain - the extraction sites don't really hurt at all.  the biggest discomfort are the sore spots that pop up as things are settling and healing.

anyway -- so, there you have it.  the good, the bad, and the REALLY ugly!  ;)

God is good . . .

free to live again . . .

ok, so i've been a bit cryptic lately - my facebook friends can attest to that - but it's been for what i believe is good reason.  isn't it strange how we share everything these days ---

anyway.  i want to share this.  there is something liberating about talking about it.  it had been my well kept secret for years, if not a decade.

all my life i have had bad "teeth and gums".  i had horrible dental visits, always resulting in pain and lots of bleeding - and the dentists we went to certainly didn't care.  so -- that gave me an excuse to avoid the dentist. 

i say that it was my secret, but i'm sure any of you who know me have noticed how awful my front teeth especially have been.  years of gum disease did my teeth in - broken, crooked, loose - it was awful.

it was paralyzing.  everything i did i stopped to think about my teeth - what i ate, how i ate, where i ate.  i haven't been able to use lipstick or lip gloss in years because i couldn't rub my lips together.  i hated how i looked - avoided the camera, or public speaking as much as i could (not easy being a teacher for about 7 years).  i got stares from store clerks and other strangers - paralyzing!  and i never spoke about it -- with anyone!

we were at my sister's house to celebrate her birthday.  we were enjoying a wonderful birthday cake paul made when i bit a chocolate chip wrong -breaking another tooth.  that was it.  i had had enough.  how long could this keep going.  it wasn't going to get any better -- all because of fear.

so -- i jumped online, did some research, and made an appointment.  i refused to let myself re-schedule it!  and i went.  they started with x-rays, which were uncomfortable enough for me.  i sat in "the chair" waiting for the dentist to come in -- hoping they wouldn't want to poke and prod my mouth - and hoping i didn't get "the speech" about not taking care of myself.  she didn't on both accounts.

the dentist walked in -- a woman about my age, she said "hello, you do know you're looking at getting dentures, right?  by the way my name is dr. k."  i was relieved!  i knew they were bad - i had even told people they will probably want to rip them out (once i started talking about it this week) - and they assured me it couldn't be that bad.  i was hoping for this news -- instead of countless root cannels, extractions and implants, etc.

she warned me that some of them were so loose they may come out when she took the impressions.  sigh -- fear coursed through my veins as she started the procedure.  all still intact - she called me very lucky.  i had an advanced stage of gum disease, i may even need to have some posts put in my bottom jaw because my jaw bone has deteriorated - told you it was awful!

so -- yesterday was the big day.  what a way to spend a saturday!  she spent lots of time numbing me up with novocaine - and got ready to yank -- almost literally 25 teeth from my head.  wow.  glad i don't have to do that again!  holy cow!  some teeth were so loose i bearly felt a tug - others, mostly molars were in  alittle tighter and i ienvisioned her bracing her feet against the chair for a better grip.  and the sound in my head -- spin tingling!

so -- now the healing process begins - i already have temporary plates put in - and go back tomorrow for a post-op visit.  but, all in all things are going well.  i don't have much pain -- keep in mind i've had some sort of discomfort or pain in my mouth for years.  the swelling is going down and i'm on the road to looking normal.  what what a remarkable difference.  i have some before pictures i'll post -- and once the swelling is gone i'll post an after shot.

there were posters all around the office saying -- "let us help you get your smile back."  they did more then that -- i've gotten my life back.