an awful day ---

sigh -- ever just have "one of those days"? 

i did -- today.  i blame it all on the thunderstorm that woke me up early this morning -- because it all goes down hill from there ---

first - paul called from work.  he needed dry clothes - he got caught in the downpour of the thunderstorm.  so -- i took clothes up to him.  while waiting for him to come out to get them -- a former co-worker saw me in the car, and came over to say hi. 

that wouldn't be odd --- except i have been having trouble with the drivers window in my car - it has a mind of it's own.  some days it works fine, others it won't go down -- other it won't go up once down.  i hadn't made an appointment to fix it yet.

so -- he comes over to the car -- i lightly touch the window button, and remembered it was broken - so i opened the door -- and a few minutes later the window went half way down on it's own --- and wouldn't go back up.  keep in mind -- raining, off and on.

so -- what to do.  i had a dentist appointment for an adjustment at 10:30 -- so i called the mechanic, and they could take a look at it at 1.

so -- i drove all the way to scranton -- in the occasional rain with the window half open.  i got to the dentist, and put plastic over it so the rain wouldn't get the seat wet.

at the dentist --- what i thought would be a quick trip turned out to be 2 hours.  long story short -- fixed the problem, but now have a whole new problem.  sigh ---they worked, re-worked, and got it sort of fixed.  it's all because of healing and the new shape of my mouth - so not a bad thing, but not what i was planning on for today.

so -- while i was waiting for the stuff to set --- i texted my sister, who was in the area to not wait for me for lunch.  her husband came home yesterday from afghanistan/germany, and they were going to get some groceries, so i was going to meet them for lunch.  that wasn't in the stars for today.

by the time we got things figured out at the dentist it was a just enough time to get up to the mechanic about the window.  i get in the car, and try the button for the heck of it -- window goes up.  sigh.  i had played with that damn button all the way down.  sigh.

so -- get to the mechanics --- they need to order a part, and i have to go back on monday.  meanwhile -- the car is sitting in the parking lot, and one of the girls goes out to get a soda -- and freaks out.  she walked past my car --- a bird, flew into the grill of my car - getting it's head stuck and dying.  sigh ---- what else could go wrong today.  thankfully one of the guys got it out for me.

so -- then i head back to scranton -- i had a whole list of errands i needed to do.

grabbed some lunch on he way through -- while eating i realized that my top dentures were now rubbing badly in the back -- sigh.  so after a few trips to stores, i called the office to see if i could stop by before i drove the hour home -- no problem.  so i went back to the dentist before i went for groceries.

she fixed it all up -- and good to go --- well sort of.  now because of all the work and healing, my bite is off.  i have to decide if i want to live with it until next month when she'll start the permanent teeth process --- or if i want her to re-make a temporary bottom.  sigh ---

so -- then off to go grocery shopping --- as i pull into the parking space -- the sky opens up and downpours - thunder, lightening.  sigh.  so i sat in the car and waited for a break.

by the time groceries were bought -- i'd had enough.  i quit.  and headed home.  i got home 11 hours after i left for the day.  sigh.

there is that old adage about getting up on the wrong side of the bed.  well -- i got up on the normal side this morning.  i wonder what would have happened if i got up on the other.  sigh ----

so, off to bed -- time to put this awful day behind me.  night everyone . . .

smile update!

i just realized i haven't updated in awhile about how things are going with my new smile! ;)  it's been about 3 1/2 months.

here is an updated photo:

things are going well!  the trips to the dentist are few and far between now, things get easier to eat every day -- there are still a few things that are tricky, but we're gaining.  the sore spots are pretty much gone.  i've been having to use adhesive in the temporary plates to hold them in place -- the doc tells me that when we get the new ones i won't have the problem.

things are going great!

for those of you "just tuning in", you can follow the story here.  you can go back a few posts, and forward some to get more of the story.

thanks for checking in!

new experiences -

this weekend was full of old, but new experiences for me.

it was the first time since the oral surgery and new dentures that i had real "public engagements".

on saturday i presented a short bible study to a wonderful group of women.  many of these ladies i haven't seen since the surgery.  compliments came rolling in.  the presentation went well - although there are still some sounds and letters that are tricky for me.  i was a little apprehensive - but this time not for how i looked, but for how i sounded, and if they would be able to understand me.  but it all went well - and i know with more practice, time and continued healing my speech will be back to normal.

on sunday we had a huge birthday party for my father-in-law's 80th birthday.  before this i would have done almost anything to avoid  the camera.  i found myself a little more comfortable when it came time for  family pictures.  still have some mental and emotional work - but it is definitely a start!

here are some pictures from yesterday's celebration.

This free scrapbook made with Smilebox

hate to admit it . . .

. . .but i'm starting to get used to the dentist chair.  i no longer get that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach about a mile or so before the office or the heart palpitations as i'm sitting in "the chair" waiting.

i do have to admit though -- today i was a little nervous.  the dental facility i've been going to is a "chain" sort of thing "aspen dental", and sometimes if they don't have an open appointment and you need an adjustment they have you just walk -in.  i've done that a couple of times.  the problem with this is you get whichever dentist has time to see you .  well, it just so happens that i've gotten "the other guy" the times i went.  i don't like him.  he is always in a hurry, and doesn't listen to what you need, and doesn't help the situation.  just a few days ago i 'walked-in' with 3 sore spots.  and i left with 2.  i guess it's good i had one less, but still.  he argued with me when i told him it still hurt - telling me to give it some time and it will clear up.  sigh.  it didn't.  it got even worse.  the sore spot turned painful - within 24-hours.  so.  i went back today - with an appointment, and an uneasy feeling -- what if my dentist wasn't there and he walked in, what if she was really busy and he was helping out (this happened once before).  i had made up my mind i didn't care how long i had to wait i was going to see the woman i started out with.

she walked in the room - "how are you today?"  "much better seeing you" i tell her.  i briefly explained my difficulty just a few days ago with the other guy -- and where the problems still were.  she smiled and laughed a bit and set to work.  in a matter of minutes the problems were gone - did i mention i love her! we had a good laugh over one of the "arguments" i had with him -- i knew i was right, but she confirmed it - and rolled her eyes over the guys un-professionalism.  i asked her how i could be sure that i didn't have to see anyone but her.  she told me not to worry, he wouldn't be back.  he was "on loan" from another office, and they had some complaints. 

a sense of relief rushed over me.  i had worked so hard to not be anxious about dental visits, and this man was starting to get things creeping back in to my psyche.

God still loves me -- hehe, and all is right with the world again.

things are progressing nicely.  eating and talking are all improving.  and i'm not so swollen.  i'll have to take some new pictures.  tomorrow marks 3 weeks!  feeling and looking better everyday!

the good. . .the bad. . .and the ugly

so, we are about a week and a half post-op, and i'm finally starting to feel more "normal" - still a little puffy in places, still sounding a little like daffy duck, but all in all doing well.  the doctors all say i'm doing really well, and healing nicely.

so -- time to take some pictures! ;)

first - where i came from - so we understand where i'm going.  just a warning, they're bad - not for the faint of heart.  these pictures were taken a day or 2 before surgery - they're not pretty.

told you -- not pretty.  what a differnece a few weeks make.  keep in mind - i avoided the camera, avoid talking about "it", avoided anything having to do with my teeth.  so there is is -- out there for all to see.  i know many of you who know me have seen it -- i get that, but i still think i did a decent job hiding just how bad it was.

so -- here is how things look now - a week and a half after - what a difference.

still some healing to do, and some adjustments, but if this is as good as it gets - i don't regret any of it.  surprisingly i have not been in much pain - the extraction sites don't really hurt at all.  the biggest discomfort are the sore spots that pop up as things are settling and healing.

anyway -- so, there you have it.  the good, the bad, and the REALLY ugly!  ;)

God is good . . .

word of the week . . . patience

well, we're one week post -op.  things are going well.  patience has been the word of the week, but i think things are going pretty well.  things seem to be healing well - and we're adjusting the "sore spots" as they come.
 
i'm starting to eat real food - soft foods, but more then pudding and yogurt!
 
talking is getting better - still a little garbled, but better.
 
so -- patience.  and practice.  it will come - in good time.  rome wasn't built in a day, and this will take time.
 
be watching for pictures soon -- i promise! ;)

baby steps . . .

i ran across this photo online - and i thought that it summed up where i am at this point.  the title of the photo is 'baby steps".

this process has been interesting to say the least --- the healing is going "as planned" i guess.  right now we are in the process of fixing 'sore spots' as they arise.  dwindling down the plastic as the gums and tissues heal and settle.

i'm not eating a wide variety of foods just yet -- still haven't been able to chew very much - but, at least i'm eating!  i didn't eat anything for 2 1/2 days after surgery because i couldn't get it down.  if it wasn't for the gag reflex, it was something else.  my mouth felt  like a tunnel - plastic everywhere.  once the dentist adjusted some of that it made it alot easier.

surprisingly i haven't had alot of pain.  mostly some discomfort as they settle and we figure it all out.  for that - i'm grateful.

i've been told my appearance is very different from what it was -- i see the obvious, but at the same time it is hard for me -- i still feel swollen and puffy, and i'm still getting used to how my mouth "works" now.  so i haven't taken any new pics just yet.  i will.  they will come in time.  i'll post some here - along with the "before" pics - which, btw, i was looking at -- i took some the day before surgery.  wow.  of course there is a difference.

all in all -- things are going well.  i don't regret my decision, and i'm in love with dr. k.  -- she rocks!  :)

i'll keep you posted! :)

free to live again . . .

ok, so i've been a bit cryptic lately - my facebook friends can attest to that - but it's been for what i believe is good reason.  isn't it strange how we share everything these days ---

anyway.  i want to share this.  there is something liberating about talking about it.  it had been my well kept secret for years, if not a decade.

all my life i have had bad "teeth and gums".  i had horrible dental visits, always resulting in pain and lots of bleeding - and the dentists we went to certainly didn't care.  so -- that gave me an excuse to avoid the dentist. 

i say that it was my secret, but i'm sure any of you who know me have noticed how awful my front teeth especially have been.  years of gum disease did my teeth in - broken, crooked, loose - it was awful.

it was paralyzing.  everything i did i stopped to think about my teeth - what i ate, how i ate, where i ate.  i haven't been able to use lipstick or lip gloss in years because i couldn't rub my lips together.  i hated how i looked - avoided the camera, or public speaking as much as i could (not easy being a teacher for about 7 years).  i got stares from store clerks and other strangers - paralyzing!  and i never spoke about it -- with anyone!

we were at my sister's house to celebrate her birthday.  we were enjoying a wonderful birthday cake paul made when i bit a chocolate chip wrong -breaking another tooth.  that was it.  i had had enough.  how long could this keep going.  it wasn't going to get any better -- all because of fear.

so -- i jumped online, did some research, and made an appointment.  i refused to let myself re-schedule it!  and i went.  they started with x-rays, which were uncomfortable enough for me.  i sat in "the chair" waiting for the dentist to come in -- hoping they wouldn't want to poke and prod my mouth - and hoping i didn't get "the speech" about not taking care of myself.  she didn't on both accounts.

the dentist walked in -- a woman about my age, she said "hello, you do know you're looking at getting dentures, right?  by the way my name is dr. k."  i was relieved!  i knew they were bad - i had even told people they will probably want to rip them out (once i started talking about it this week) - and they assured me it couldn't be that bad.  i was hoping for this news -- instead of countless root cannels, extractions and implants, etc.

she warned me that some of them were so loose they may come out when she took the impressions.  sigh -- fear coursed through my veins as she started the procedure.  all still intact - she called me very lucky.  i had an advanced stage of gum disease, i may even need to have some posts put in my bottom jaw because my jaw bone has deteriorated - told you it was awful!

so -- yesterday was the big day.  what a way to spend a saturday!  she spent lots of time numbing me up with novocaine - and got ready to yank -- almost literally 25 teeth from my head.  wow.  glad i don't have to do that again!  holy cow!  some teeth were so loose i bearly felt a tug - others, mostly molars were in  alittle tighter and i ienvisioned her bracing her feet against the chair for a better grip.  and the sound in my head -- spin tingling!

so -- now the healing process begins - i already have temporary plates put in - and go back tomorrow for a post-op visit.  but, all in all things are going well.  i don't have much pain -- keep in mind i've had some sort of discomfort or pain in my mouth for years.  the swelling is going down and i'm on the road to looking normal.  what what a remarkable difference.  i have some before pictures i'll post -- and once the swelling is gone i'll post an after shot.

there were posters all around the office saying -- "let us help you get your smile back."  they did more then that -- i've gotten my life back.