a love / hate relationship --

water.  it's a necessity for life - on so many levels.  it makes up a large portion of our body, we need it to "keep going".  it is esential for plant and animal growth.  it's used for recreation - swimming, boating, or running around the garden sprinkler on a hot summer day.

i love the ocean.  i'm not a swimmer; but i'll wade in.  the ocean/beach is very calming and soothing to me.  it clears my brain, i "hear" things more clearly there.  sadly, i live in the mountains - which i also love, but it's a far cry from the thunderous waves on the beach and the gulls flying overhead.  when i get the opportunity to go to the beach my soul feels at peace.  i love to sit on a quiet beach -- no one around, and let everything fall from my mind.  i also believe i hear God more clearly there, probably because with each sweeping of the waves against my feet my thoughts go out into the vastness of the ocean.   

if i can't get to the ocean - the quietness of a lake, the beauty of a waterfall, the babbling of a brooke will do too. 


i love water.


i hate winter.  the frozen form of water terrifies me from time to time.  there in lies the problem.  remember, i live in the mountains.  we have four seasons.  i love them -- i would not want to live somewhere that these did not happen.  i don't mind a snowstorm -- if i'm sitting at home, safe and warm and watching it snow and don't have to go out for a day or two.


this is exactly why i hate winter.  snow should only fall on grassy surfaces - not on the road i need to drive on, not on the sidewalk i need to walk on.  i've had my share of winter "accidents" on snow - on ice, all forms of water. each one leaving a scar on my psyche.  if there is the slightest dusting of snow on a road and i must travel, my heart pounds, my hands grip the wheel, and my knucles turn that vibrant shade of white -- i will immdiately put my truck in 4-wheel drive.


at least in snow i have some sort of "chance", i know how to drive on it - i don't like it, but i can if i need to.  now -- ice, that's another story.


a few days ago my family had a "rough" day.  it was a normal sunday, we all attended church.  on the way home from church - at practically the same time paul and i hit a patch of black ice, and my parents also hit a patch of black ice.


we are all fine.  our incident, though very scary was nothing compared to that of my parents.  my parents slid and skidded along the road and into a ditch - slamming into a bank, to a stop.  they are both fine -- some aches and pains, pulled muscles and bruises.  thier truck -- not so good.  there are many reasons to be thankful -- but mainly because no one was seriously injured.  my dad - the stubborn, prideful man that he is - said to a doctor today "i've never hit a patch of black ice before, and i can say i never want to do that again".   


i hate water.  in it's frozen form.


but, water is a necessity.  maybe these experiences are too.

letting go to move on

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

-- E.M. Forester

a few years ago my sister gave me this quote.  it helped her through a difficult period in her life.  it's a magnet on the fridge.  for the past couple of years i've seen it each time i reach into the fridge.  the lines are committed to memory.


it wasn't until the other day that i really looked at it, again, in a new light.  with my recent lay-off, dealing with unemployment benefits, and trying to make a decision about what to do with my life -- this quote really seems to hit home lately.


the difficulty is -- i've lost myself, so i don't even know what the plan is anymore.  it brings to mind another quote - "let go and let God".  how many times have i heard that one --


letting go of the past helps to embrace the future and the new experiences that lie ahead.  that is not to say that we forget the past, but we can't continue to live there.  it's time to put the "what-ifs" and doubts aside and embrace the life that is waiting for us.