finding our joy --

i was recently given the opportunity to lead a women's retreat.  the topic was "finding our joy".  i put alot of time and work into the event.  this was the first big retreat i have done - there were 60 ladies present.  i did a small retreat on parables a few years ago for our local church women's group.  i  was so happy -- joyful, to see the women enjoying themselves, and actually looking deep within themselves - all the hard work was rewarded in thier kind words and thank yous.

i've learned many things about joy.  the flower that symbolizes joy is a bird of paradise.  the gerber daisy represents cheerfulness.  the colors rose, pink and golden yellow are the colors symbols of joy.


i've learned that you can't find joy without sorrow.  and your joy may not be someone elses joy.

over the course of the retreat the women taught me somethings about joy.  and as we journeyed through scripture, quiet reflection, group discussions tears and laughter, we began to figure out what we worry about, what we gripe about, and where our joy and graditude lies.

i also had some help - 4 ladies offered programs on thier joy -- music, mission trips, gardening, and volunteer work.  what wonderful witnesses to a joyful life in helping and serving others.


i truly feel blessed to have been given the opportunity.  humbled by the fact that the ladies walked away with a new understanding of thier joy.


i ask you -- what is your joy?

riding the rails --

i recently had the opportunity to take a train from philadelphia to atlanta.  anyone who knows me knows i don't fly.  the thought of it sends me into a panic.  i've been there done that -- and although the scenery is nice -- the anxiety isn't.


my sister needed help packing for a move back home.  my brother-in-law has left for germany, off to afghanistan soon.  thier decision was for her and my nephew to come home while he is gone.

sure -- it would have been quicker to fly.  but the train was much more exciting.  i had never been on a train ride for that long -- and frankly, i wasn't sure what to expect.


i knew i wouldn't be able to see to much - as most of the travel would take place at night (16 hours).  i boarded the train in philadelpia's station.  walking into the station a sense of anxiety flooded me for a second -- rows and rows of train "gates" - it was much bigger then i had imagined.  that being said - the huge board in front of me told me the train was on-time, and soon told me what track.


i boarded the train and found my way to my sleeper car.  hmmm.  that was interesting.  for one person, it was comfortable.  standing in the middle of it - which was about all i could do - my arms buckled at the elbows when i tried to stretch them from side to side.  there were 2 chairs facing each other - which later converted to a bed.  the car also had a toilet, and a sink made it more "cozy".


i plopped down in my seat and was ready for the adventure to begin.  we pulled out on time and rolled through the tracks of the city of brotherly love.  my adventure started off with feelings of uneasiness. as we rolled through tunnels and through the back alleys of the city - poverty, homelessness, and hopelessness were everywhere.  i'm not sure if i had some picturesque idea in my mind about the ride -- but i found that these pictures of people sleeping in boxes, graffiti with tags of R.I.P, and campsite waiting for thier souls to come back were more of a norm on my trip.  i was almost glad most of the trip would be in the dark.


don't get me wrong -- there were some beautiful, picturesque parts too.  we corssed a body of water  - not sure where or what, but i felt like we were skimming across it.  the bridge was low to the water, and not very wide.  in the distance the sun was setting and sparkled on the water.  this is what i had hoped for.

we rode trhough our nations capital  just as the lights were begining to come on.  the city was a glow and bustling.  i have been to DC many times and had the opportunity to see the monuments up close.  it was just as awe-inspiring to see them from the rails -- from my window i saw the the dome of the capital, the lights of the washington and jefferson monuments.  and the majesty of the airfore monument.  a beautiful site --


i made my way to the dining car and had dinner with two other ladies traveling alone.  we chatted about our lives - who we were, where we were going, and exchanged many pleasant words over dinner.


the train rocked me to sleep -- and woke me when we stopped at a station.  a peek out the window to check out the dark surroundings.  we pulled into atlanta about 10 minutes ahead of schedule, where my sister had a car service waiting for me.


we rode trough city and towns -- big, little.  the view from my window wasn't always beautiful, but life isn't all sunstes and lights.  there are hardships.  there are hard times.  but the sun always shines -- God willing -- on a new day.  it's our job to meet each new day with compassion for life, and compassion for our neighbors.  i remember the face of a man sleeping along the tracks.  i pray each day he gets the break he needs to be in a different place. 

time to catch up --

it has been some time since i've written.  lots to catch up on.  hmmm - where to start. . .

pets: joys and sorrows

i realized i have not written about charlie.

this is charlie -- a 7 1/2 month old cairin terrier.   he looks all-cute, but he is definately a terrier. into everything! 

but, before we talk about charlie, we should talk about my first "baby" - riley (2nd picture).

riley, also a cairin -- left us on july 20th, 2009.  he was 11.  he got sick very quickly, about 3 weeks prior.  he had a seizure one night - and it all went down hill from there.  we tried everything, did everything we could, but we sadly had to make the painful decission to say good-bye.  the vet believes it was a fast growing brain tumor.  i know it was one of the scariest things i've ever had to deal with.

growing up, my dad said no to pets.  dogs would get hit in the road, fish would just die, hamsters were just overgrown mice.  until one day my sister brought home a kitten who stayed, even after my sister went to college and got married.  i think i understand why my dad said no to our pleas for a puppy.  he probably knew just how hard it would be to say good-bye one day, and he was trying to protect us.  the cat - princess, developed cancer in her jaw a couple of years ago - my parents had to make the same hard decision to stop the suffering.  there are no more animals in the house -- dad won't admit it, but i think he's avoiding the pain.

mom and dad's house was like riley's second home -- riley knew when his bag was being packed he was going to grandma's and would race to the door and whine - ready to go.  on the day he left us, after we said our good-byes - he raced to the door, with more energy then we had seen in weeks.  i knew it was the right thing - he was tired, it was time.  riley rests in my mom and dad's backyard next to his arch-nemissis, princess.

it took me some time to be ready to have a new dog in my life.  paul was ready to get another dog right away - not for any lack of respect for riley.  i needed some time.  i began doing some searching on-line and found a breeder on oklahoma.  her dog had just had a litter of pupies - 2 male, 1 female.  ironically the puppies were born on july 10th - about the same time riley's "spirit" left him, and he was just a physical presence.  i fell in love with his tiny little picture - just a few weeks old.  i emailed the breeder and we both began the process of figuring out if the other person was reputable.  she was great, caring and patient.  she allowed us first choice, and we could wait to send the deposit until he grew to be sure he was the one we wanted.  she sent weekly pictures and updates until he flew out to meet us the end of september.

he was so tiny, and too cute.  he melted my heart.  it wasn't until a few weeks later that everything we had fogotten about raising a puppy slapped us in the face.  but, with some persistance, things are going well.

until tuesday.  silly dog. he must have gotten into something - whatever it was it upset his tummy.  so, off to the vets.  with some rest and a bland diet all is well - oh, the life of a puppy.

these furry little ones are really a part of the family.  they  worry and concern us like human kids do.  wouldn't trade any of it - the joys or the sorrows.

 

a love / hate relationship --

water.  it's a necessity for life - on so many levels.  it makes up a large portion of our body, we need it to "keep going".  it is esential for plant and animal growth.  it's used for recreation - swimming, boating, or running around the garden sprinkler on a hot summer day.

i love the ocean.  i'm not a swimmer; but i'll wade in.  the ocean/beach is very calming and soothing to me.  it clears my brain, i "hear" things more clearly there.  sadly, i live in the mountains - which i also love, but it's a far cry from the thunderous waves on the beach and the gulls flying overhead.  when i get the opportunity to go to the beach my soul feels at peace.  i love to sit on a quiet beach -- no one around, and let everything fall from my mind.  i also believe i hear God more clearly there, probably because with each sweeping of the waves against my feet my thoughts go out into the vastness of the ocean.   

if i can't get to the ocean - the quietness of a lake, the beauty of a waterfall, the babbling of a brooke will do too. 


i love water.


i hate winter.  the frozen form of water terrifies me from time to time.  there in lies the problem.  remember, i live in the mountains.  we have four seasons.  i love them -- i would not want to live somewhere that these did not happen.  i don't mind a snowstorm -- if i'm sitting at home, safe and warm and watching it snow and don't have to go out for a day or two.


this is exactly why i hate winter.  snow should only fall on grassy surfaces - not on the road i need to drive on, not on the sidewalk i need to walk on.  i've had my share of winter "accidents" on snow - on ice, all forms of water. each one leaving a scar on my psyche.  if there is the slightest dusting of snow on a road and i must travel, my heart pounds, my hands grip the wheel, and my knucles turn that vibrant shade of white -- i will immdiately put my truck in 4-wheel drive.


at least in snow i have some sort of "chance", i know how to drive on it - i don't like it, but i can if i need to.  now -- ice, that's another story.


a few days ago my family had a "rough" day.  it was a normal sunday, we all attended church.  on the way home from church - at practically the same time paul and i hit a patch of black ice, and my parents also hit a patch of black ice.


we are all fine.  our incident, though very scary was nothing compared to that of my parents.  my parents slid and skidded along the road and into a ditch - slamming into a bank, to a stop.  they are both fine -- some aches and pains, pulled muscles and bruises.  thier truck -- not so good.  there are many reasons to be thankful -- but mainly because no one was seriously injured.  my dad - the stubborn, prideful man that he is - said to a doctor today "i've never hit a patch of black ice before, and i can say i never want to do that again".   


i hate water.  in it's frozen form.


but, water is a necessity.  maybe these experiences are too.

letting go to move on

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

-- E.M. Forester

a few years ago my sister gave me this quote.  it helped her through a difficult period in her life.  it's a magnet on the fridge.  for the past couple of years i've seen it each time i reach into the fridge.  the lines are committed to memory.


it wasn't until the other day that i really looked at it, again, in a new light.  with my recent lay-off, dealing with unemployment benefits, and trying to make a decision about what to do with my life -- this quote really seems to hit home lately.


the difficulty is -- i've lost myself, so i don't even know what the plan is anymore.  it brings to mind another quote - "let go and let God".  how many times have i heard that one --


letting go of the past helps to embrace the future and the new experiences that lie ahead.  that is not to say that we forget the past, but we can't continue to live there.  it's time to put the "what-ifs" and doubts aside and embrace the life that is waiting for us.